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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27661232">The Moon When I'm Lost in Darkness</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/deacertes/pseuds/deacertes'>deacertes</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Old Guard (Comics), The Old Guard (Movie 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bottom Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, First Kiss, First Time, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Nicky | Nicolò di Genova Needs a Hug, Nicky | Nicolò di Genova Whump, Non-Consensual Touching, Public Humiliation, Rape/Non-con Elements, Soft Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani, Threats of Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 06:01:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,658</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27661232</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/deacertes/pseuds/deacertes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by the gorgeous and very inspirational art work - see link in notes below - I also used their dialog in selected scenes. </p><p>I went more with the art work as inspiration than the original kink meme prompt. </p><p>Nicolo is falsely accused and placed in a pillory to be degraded and abused before being handed back to Yusuf. Yusuf takes Nicolo to a nearby river so he can wash.</p><p>+10 If Yusuf helps Nicolo wash<br/>+100 If they haven't been together sexually before then<br/>+1000 If it leads to them getting together</p><p>If sex between Yusuf and Nicolo, top!Yusuf only, please</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>311</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Moon When I'm Lost in Darkness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">


        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27578680">TOG kinkeme art fills</a> by Anonymous.
        </li>

    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The town peoples’ intent was to degrade and humiliate, not to cause death or lasting harm. Yusuf knew and understood this. It didn’t make it any easier to watch Nicolo being dragged away.</p><p>“Don’t watch, Yusuf, please. Stay away.”</p><p>His fingers spasmed around the hilt of his scimitar. But as much as he wanted to cut these people down, he had given his word to Nicolo.</p><p>Trembling from head to foot, he bowed his head and waited for the dawn.</p><p>*************</p><p>They had arrived in the town ten days earlier with the sole purpose of offering aid. The people had been beset by a sickness that carried off young and old alike. Word of it came from a fellow traveller on the road, who had warned them to steer clear.</p><p>Nicolo had scarcely waited until the man had ridden past before immediately expressing his desire to do the opposite. He had some experience ministering to the sick. He had carried out such duties for the church before they had put a sword in his hand and sent him to the Holy Land to fight.</p><p>Yusuf listened to his impassioned speech, waiting patiently as Nicolo listed all the reasons why they had to help, before agreeing with a nod and a fond smile.</p><p>Nicolo had blinked at him, clearly not expecting the easy acquiescence. They tended to avoid staying too long in places, wary of their ‘gift’ being discovered by others.</p><p>Then Nicolo rewarded Yusuf with one of his small, pleased smiles, and Yusuf had been forced to look away or risk revealing his feelings.</p><p>They had arrived in the town later that same day, found lodgings, and the following morning they set about trying to provide what help they could. Any wariness the people might normally have felt toward strangers, worn away in the main by desperation.</p><p>Unfortunately, they soon discovered that was not the case with all of the townsfolk.</p><p>While Nicolo ground herbs to reduce fever, he drew the jealous attention of a local ‘healer’, who had been busy taking the good towns folks’ coin in return for various quack remedies.</p><p>He observed the pair and then set about his plan to rid himself of them, whispering his lies into the ears of any who would listen.</p><p>Eventually, he was able to assemble a group of men willing to force their way into Nicolo and Yusuf’s lodgings.</p><p>Exhausted from long hours of work, Yusuf and Nicolo were deeply asleep, sharing the single cot as they often did, Yusuf’s arm curled protectively around his companion.</p><p>They woke at once, to be confronted by the hateful stares of the men who had burst in through the doorway.</p><p>“See,” the healer cried, pushing through the huddle. “Unnatural. He tricks you with his potions, but all the while he plays the part of a woman for the Saracen warrior.”</p><p>Yusuf didn’t bother correcting him. He was already calculating who he should strike down first.</p><p>A hand on his leg stopped him from reaching for his scimitar.</p><p>“Don’t,” said Nicolo, softly.</p><p>Yusuf’s gaze darted between the hostile men crowding into the room and the man who lay by his side.</p><p>Nicolo slipped into Arabic. “If you attack them, you will only anger them further and they will most likely kill us both.”</p><p>“So, what would you have me do?” Yusuf asked in the same tongue.</p><p>“Nothing. Let them take me.”</p><p>Yusuf was rendered momentarily mute by the outrageousness of the suggestion. To his dismay, Nicolo was already rising from the bed, hands held out in front of him.</p><p>“You do not want my travelling companion. I tricked him too. Punish me if you must.”</p><p>One of the townsfolk stepped forward and seized his wrist, dragging him into the group, who closed ranks around him.</p><p>Yusuf made a sound in his throat and knelt up on the bed.</p><p>“Promise me, Yusuf. Promise me you will not harm them. You can find me after.”</p><p>His heart beating frantically in his chest, Yusuf forced himself to do as Nicolo asked. He gained some small satisfaction from the way the men quailed beneath his stare.</p><p>He knew they were afraid of him and that fear was probably all that stayed their hand. They feared his manner of dress and the strange weapon he carried, and the words they didn’t understand.</p><p>He waited only until they had left the room. Then he pulled on his boots and gathered their belongs before hastening after them.</p><p>Nicolo was taken to the headman’s house.</p><p>The man was unhappy at being asked to pass sentence on someone he knew had helped. However, Nicolo and Yusuf were strangers, passing through his town, while these people were his to govern, and he needed to keep their good regard.</p><p>“Place him in the pillories. He is to remain bound for the rest of the night. In the morning release him back to his companion and send them both on their way.”</p><p>There was some disgruntled muttering amongst those who wished for a more severe punishment, but they were forced to stand down when the majority nodded at the headman’s judgement.</p><p>**********</p><p>The hours passed by with agonising slowness. After being given back their horses, Yusuf had been told to wait at the curve in the road just beyond the town. Although, he had wanted to balk at the order, he reminded himself that this was what Nicolo wanted, and a woman in the town had quietly pulled him aside and assured him that Nicolo was in no danger. The pillories were merely to teach humility, and aside from a few rotten vegetables, there was nothing to fear.</p><p>Even with this reassurance, Yusuf couldn’t settle. He paced the road anxiously, straining to listen to the sounds drifting up from the town below. He thought he heard shouts and jeering, but he could not be certain that it wasn’t his own stricken conscience twisting the sound of the wind to torment him.</p><p>He knew Nicolo was right. They had far more to fear from someone discovering their secret, and the odds of them escaping an angry mob without death or injury was too great a risk.</p><p>Even so, he had found himself almost hopeful for a sentence that would have compelled him to act.</p><p>Surely Nicolo would not have expected him to stand by if the headman had sentenced him to be flogged or hung, or burned?</p><p>However, Yusuf knew in his heart that Nicolo would have expected exactly that and the very thought made him ill.</p><p>Yusuf knew that Nicolo was still heavily burdened by his past. It made him fear for the man who had come to mean more to him than any other.</p><p>He could not say the exact moment that he had fallen in love with Nicolo, only that it now seemed as necessary and as inevitable as drawing breath. That the man did not place the same care and regard upon his person as Yusuf did frightened him, for he could not imagine wanting to remain in a world without Nicolo in it. That they apparently could not die was of little comfort, since they did not know how this gift worked, who was to say what might end it.</p><p>The sound of an approaching cart interrupted these unhappy contemplations, and Yusuf stepped out into the centre of the road to intercept it.</p><p>It was fortunate for those who accompanied the cart that Yusuf was too stunned to react when they tumbled Nicolo off the back of the cart to land in a loose-limbed heap at his feet.</p><p>“Take your whore and leave,” one growled.</p><p>The driver turned the cart around in the road, and they set off back towards the town.</p><p>Yusuf scarcely noted their departure, his focus was on Nicolo as he struggled to comprehend what he was seeing.</p><p>Nicolo had been stripped of most of his clothing and was clad only in his under tunic. There was no blood that Yusuf could discern, although the dirt that marred Nicolo’s throat and wrists must once have covered bruises left by the pillory. They of course, had long since faded.</p><p>What remained was what froze Yusuf in place. He could not believe his own eyes. He did not want to believe. He dropped to his knees beside his friend.</p><p>“Nicolo?”</p><p>Nicolo’s eyes were open and he was clearly conscious, but he did not seem to be fully aware. He lay, shuddering very slightly and staring fixedly at nothing.</p><p>Yusuf reached out with a trembling hand to touch the viscous fluid that coated much of Nicolo’s skin. He brought a sample close to his face and sniffed at it cautiously before recoiling in horrified disgust.</p><p>Wiping his fingers off hastily in the dirt, he looked back at his friend and his face crumpled in sorrow.</p><p>“Nicolo,” he whispered, softly.</p><p>Tears burned the back of his throat and clogged his lashes as he very gently gathered the other man into his arms, heedless of his foul state.</p><p>“Forgive me, hayati. I should never have left you.”</p><p>With a last hateful stare toward the town. Yusuf walked back over to their horses. He wanted to put as much distance as he could between them and the ‘good towns people’. Partly because he did not trust them, and partly because he did not trust himself not to go back kill as many as he could.</p><p>It was no easy thing to get Nicolo up onto a horse. He seemed to be in a fugue state. Yusuf draped a blanket over him and deciding to lead the other mount, got up carefully behind him.</p><p>They rode until Yusuf found a suitable bathing spot. He was increasingly worried about Nicolo’s lack of responsiveness and felt certain that washing the filth from his skin would help.</p><p>With Nicolo still unable to help himself, Yusuf stripped them both and waded out into the water with Nicolo cradled in his arms. He was slightly fearful of touching his friend in case it caused Nicolo more distress but could not see how else to carry out his task without risk of Nicolo drowning.</p><p>His heart juddered in his chest when Nicolo slowly blinked and those remarkable eyes finally locked on his. He could have wept when a faint relieved smile curved Nicolo’s lips and he silently mouthed Yusuf’s name.</p><p>Nicolo found his feet in the soft silt with Yusuf’s help and eventually walked from the water unaided.</p><p>Yusuf brought him clean clothes and watched anxiously as he dressed.</p><p>Finally, he could bear it no longer. He walked over to his friend and giving him every opportunity to pull away if he so wished, Yusuf tenderly cupped his face.</p><p>“Nicolo-“</p><p>“-I am all right.”</p><p>Yusuf did not try to hide his concern.</p><p>“Really, Yusuf. They did not hurt me.”</p><p>“They did not…”</p><p>Yusuf hesitated, not wanting to speak his fears aloud.</p><p>Nicolo took a deep breath and let it out.</p><p>“They did not force themselves upon me. They only…”</p><p>Now it was Nicolo’s turn to hesitate.</p><p>“You need not tell me if you do not wish it,” said Yusuf, hastily. He had no desire to add to Nicolo’s distress. But Nicolo shook his head.</p><p>“No, I want to tell you.” His expression softened. “You will only fear the worst if I do not.”</p><p>Yusuf nodded and remained silent. Although, he had to lower his hands and press his nails into his palms to try to stem his anger as Nicolo told him how the townspeople had at first pelted him with refuse, but then, stirred up by the hateful healer, one had pissed on him, and then one had stepped up behind him and mimicked taking him from behind. That had fired up the mob even more, and the next man took it a step further and had taken himself in hand until he spilled over Nicolo’s face.</p><p>The next few hours had continued in the same vein. A couple of bored guards had overseen matters and kept the crowd from going any further, but it hadn’t stopped until dawn and by then Nicolo had retreated into his own mind.</p><p>“I am sorry, Yusuf.”</p><p>“Sorry?” Yusuf sputtered in disbelief. “Nicolo, no. You have nothing to be sorry for.”</p><p>“It was my decision to go there. It was my decision to let them take me. I left you to care for me-“</p><p>Yusuf brought his hand up to cup Nicolo’s cheek again.</p><p>“Hobi, I will always care for you.”</p><p>He could not keep the emotion from his voice and feared for a moment he had revealed too much.</p><p>But Nicolo only smiled, relief in his gaze.</p><p>“You are too good to me.”</p><p>“You are too good for the world,” said Yusuf. “Truly. They were underserving of your compassion.”</p><p>“No one is underserving of compassion.”</p><p>“And that, is why you are too good.”</p><p>*********</p><p>By wordless agreement they didn’t stay and camp by the pool, instead electing to ride on. It proved to be a fortuitous decision when they found the remnants of an abandoned shepherd’s hut. It gave them a much-needed sense of security as they bedded down for the night.</p><p>The roof was all but gone, but the night was dry and mild, and the moon cast a gentle light.</p><p>Yusuf set his bedroll down next to Nicolo’s, but after stretching out he found himself hesitating. They had slept close for years, Nicolo was a restless sleeper, but had eventually confessed that he slept far better when he knew Yusuf was safe beside him.</p><p>But after what had happened would Nicolo want him so close? Or would the other man feel trapped with an arm pinning him?</p><p>Yusuf hesitated too long.</p><p>Nicolo had laid down with his back to Yusuf and his sword within easy reach.</p><p>Sighing, Yusuf folded his arms under his head and stared up at the stars.</p><p>It didn’t take him long to realise that there was something wrong. Nicolo was shivering and it wasn’t from the cold.</p><p>Yusuf sat up.</p><p>“Nicolo?” he whispered.</p><p>He went to reach out but paused with his hand hovering uselessly.</p><p>“Nicolo,” he repeated, more forcefully.</p><p>Nicolo remained silent, but Yusuf could see the from the dark curve of his lashes that his eyes were open.</p><p>“I am going to put my arm around you, unless of course, you do not wish it?”</p><p>No answer.</p><p>Slowly, fearful of a rebuff, Yusuf lay back down on his side and put a very tentative arm around his friend.</p><p>“Yusuf?”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“Wil you… can you hold me tighter?”</p><p>Yusuf let out a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding and tightened his embrace. Nicolo wriggled cautiously backwards and there was a little bit of shuffling before they both settled. There was no space for even a sliver of moonlight between them, pressed together as they were, from the tops of their heads to their waists.</p><p>Yusuf’s heart had never felt so full, both arms cradling Nicolo close.</p><p>When he felt fairly certain that Nicolo was asleep, he finally succumbed to temptation and nuzzled the soft nape of Nicolo’s neck. He froze when he heard a sleepy mumble.</p><p>“Yusuf?”</p><p>Yusuf tried to feign sleep, but knew he was holding himself too stiff and rigid to fool his clever friend. Sure enough, Nicolo twisted around to face him.</p><p>“Yusuf? Did you just kiss me?”</p><p>Yusuf couldn’t have formed words if his life had depended on it. He managed a non-committal noise, whilst praying that Nicolo wasn’t offended, and that he would let the matter drop.</p><p>Nicolo was regarding him thoughtfully, his eyes looked sliver in the moonlight, ethereal and lovely.</p><p>Apparently, Yusuf’s own thoughts were playing out on his face as Nicolo’s eyes widened and then he was pressing his lips to Yusuf’s.</p><p>It was over too quickly. Yusuf’s tongue tried to chase the taste of Nicolo’s lips.</p><p>Nicolo almost went cross eyed watching him.</p><p>“You… you want this?” Yusuf asked, almost afraid to hope.</p><p>Nicolo nodded.</p><p>“Kiss me again. I think I might be dreaming,” said Yusuf.</p><p>Nicolo smiled and kissed Yusuf again.</p><p>When he ran his tongue over the seam of Yusuf’s lips, Yusuf groaned and opened his mouth, deepening the kiss and taking control of it.</p><p>They stayed that way for some time, trading kisses in the moonlight. Until Nicolo placed both hands on Yusuf’s chest and pushed at him.</p><p>Yusuf jerked back like he had been poked with a firebrand.</p><p>“Sorry, sorry. Was it too much? We can slow down. Or we can stop. Whatever you want, my love.”</p><p>Nicolo stopped the flood of words with a gentle finger. Much to Yusuf’s relief, his eyes were full of heat and mirth.</p><p>“Or we could do more?” Yusuf murmured around the finger resting on his lips. He sucked it into his mouth and swirled his tongue around it, watching with satisfaction as Nicolo’s pupils grew large and his mouth grew lax.</p><p>“More. Yes,” said Nicolo, shivering as Yusuf released his finger with a soft pop.</p><p>Yusuf was about to offer some suggestions, when Nicolo spoke again.</p><p>“I would like to have you in me, I think.”</p><p>Yusuf had to open and close his mouth a few times before he could speak.</p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>“Yes. Unless you do not want that?”</p><p>Nicolo suddenly looked uncertain. Yusuf hastened to reassure him.</p><p>“Albi, I can think of nothing I want more,” he replied, honestly.</p><p>Nicolo smiled shyly.</p><p>“But it is a big step,” Yusuf cautioned. “And you have been hurt.”</p><p>“They did not hurt me.”</p><p>“Perhaps not here,” said Yusuf, skimming his hands down Nicolo’s sides and savouring the pleased little shiver. “But here,” he placed one hand over Nicolo’s heart. “Here they hurt you.”</p><p>Nicolo shook his head.</p><p>“That was the one place they could not hurt me. For my heart is yours.”</p><p>Yusuf’s eyes glittered.</p><p>“I must ask again if you are sure. For I do not think I could bear it now if I were to be the cause of pain to you.”</p><p>“I want this. I want you.”</p><p>They disentangled and Yusuf went over to their belongings. He dug around until he found their small bottle of olive oil.</p><p>When he turned back, he almost dropped it, for Nicolo had used the time to take off all his clothing and he now sat naked on his bed roll, hugging his knees somewhat self-consciously.</p><p>Yusuf felt his cock twitch and willed himself to stay calm. He wanted to make this a good experience for his love. He said as much out loud and Nicolo stared at him as if he was mad.</p><p>“Of course it will be a good experience. I am with you.”</p><p>Yusuf hastened forward and dropped to his knees, gathering Nicolo close he kissed him deeply. He drew back only so he could look into Nicolo’s eyes.</p><p>“I love you. I’m doing this all wrong. I should have told you that first. I have loved you for a long time. I was afraid to speak of it in case you did not feel the same.”</p><p>Nicolo grinned, a wicked little curl of his lips that made Yusuf’s heartbeat faster.</p><p>“It is good then. That we feel the same.”</p><p>“Very good,” Yusuf agreed.</p><p>They went back to kissing, and somewhere in the middle of that, they both lay back down.</p><p>Yusuf opened the oil and used it to slick up his hand. He rubbed Nicolo’s chest at first, stiffening his nipples into hard peaks; then he flicked them with his tongue and rubbed them with his beard until Nicolo was gasping and squirming in his arms.</p><p>Yusuf let his hand move lower, gently tugging Nicolo’s cock until Nicolo moved his hand away.</p><p>“Too… t-too much,” he stammered, breathlessly.</p><p>Yusuf nodded and poured out a little more of their precious oil before sliding his hand lower, trailing a well-oiled finger down Nicolo’s taint until he reached his goal.</p><p>Nicolo made a soft startled noise but didn’t shy away from his touch.</p><p>Yusuf circled Nicolo’s hole several times before dipping in the tip of his finger. He didn’t try for more, but went back to circling again, and then the next time applied a little more pressure.</p><p>“Push against my touch,” he told Nicolo.</p><p>Nicolo swallowed hard but did as he was asked.</p><p>Yusuf’s finger slipped in up to the first knuckle.</p><p>The muscles in Nicolo’s thighs twitched at the intrusion.</p><p>Yusuf slowly pushed in deeper.</p><p>“All right?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>Yusuf withdrew his finger and returned with one more.</p><p>“Is this fine, Nicolo? Tell me if it hurts.”</p><p>“Nng, Yusuf. I trust y-you.”</p><p>Yusuf rested his forehead against Nicolo’s as he thrust his fingers gently in and out, opening Nicolo up.</p><p>He carried on until Nicolo was panting and squirming, pushing with his hips in an unspoken plea for more.</p><p>“I think you’re ready, Hayati.”</p><p>He poured more oil over his cock, hissing as his fingers slid over the sensitive head.</p><p>Settling between Nicolo’s spread thighs, he lifted the other man’s legs up higher.</p><p>“Breathe slowly and push against me.”</p><p>Nicolo nodded.</p><p>Yusuf set the head of his cock against Nicolo’s wet hole. The tight ring resisted and then suddenly gave, and he sank slowly forward into the snug, welcoming heat.</p><p>He groaned.</p><p>“Nicolo. You’re perfect. Fuck – so tight-“</p><p>Nicolo cried out sharply as Yusuf pushed in deeper.</p><p>“Ah!”</p><p>Yusuf froze.</p><p>Nicolo dug his feet into Yusuf’s buttocks to encourage him to move again.</p><p>“Y-yusuf – nng.”</p><p>After that there were no more words. Just the soft slap of skin on skin and breathy moans.</p><p>Yusuf gathered his wits enough to slip a hand between them. He had barely touched Nicolo’s cock, brushing his thumb over the slit, when Nicolo tightened around him coming with a choked off gasp and a shudder.</p><p>Yusuf followed barely a handful of heartbeats after, unable to resist the pulsing tightness of Nicolo’s body.</p><p>They lay entwined, tired and sticky, but perfectly content.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
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